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Doing the Deviant Dance

March 23, 2010

With April just around the corner I am down to the wire on two projects that really just sum up who I am completely.

In 3 weeks is IMsL and the International Ms. Bootblack competition. The closer it gets the more internal I find myself getting about it all.  My life has taken on some HUGE changes since the decision to run. I hit rock bottom with being let go from work and having unemployment basically say no money til May. I have been working outside the box as far as work is concerned and realizing that the box never worked for me anyway.  I am taking a page from my Sir’s advice as realizing that being afraid is fine, what is important is Courage. Not the absence of fear, but the ability to push forward in spite of it.  So the planning continues, I work on my skills and continue to promote. I’m finding I have a deeper strength than I expected. Fate is dealing me this hand for a reason and I plan to see it through no matter what happens.   I am thinking more openly instead of with blinders. The more I think outside of the box the more I realize that the box was never for me.  I am working on my writing more, my classes, ideas on travel, my dance, my health,  pretty much everything that is “me”. For once I am working on ME, which is an amazing step in a positive direction for me.  This experience is already becoming a life changing one before I even get to San Fransisco.  Even with the potholes I see this opportunity as a truly blessed one.

On top of preparing for IMsL I also am preparing for a dance event here in Charlottesville. My dance mentor Asharah is coming to teach two workshops and we will be having a performance afterward.  I’m performing solo during the show. I normally wouldn’t be nervous about it but I am performing in front of my teacher and my dance mentor and that raises the stakes a little in my brain. What also makes it interesting is that it’s the weekend AFTER IMsL. So come home Monday and kick into hard time prep for performance for that Saturday. I originally was going to a pretty calm piano piece that was going to reflect my newer introduction into a calmer sense of me but you know what? The world has been throwing too much negativity my way as of late. It’s time to get my shield and sword out and start fighting back and my music will reflect that.  It will feel good. It will purge. I need that.

Planning and working on everything at once is really helping me realize all the aspects of me. Seeing things full circle.  Mental, emotional, creative, logic, and physical. I am working to push through alot of the muck and finding my place in everything. Finding my place in the universe. As hard as it is I am gaining alot from all of this.

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