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Finding my Femme Bootblack Side….

February 13, 2010

Alot of people ask me how I got to where I am as a bootblack. A femme bootblack who wears garters and stripes and is all tits and thighs. It didn’t always used to be. I did have a boy side.

That statement alone tends to shock people.

It only ever comes out with a very select few. It used to trigger more with primal and aggressive play and fetishes that I only ever associated with that part of me. To me 6 years ago aggressive, dirty, bloody play was something that I only saw as a “boy” thing to do. The idea of things like cigars, ash play, boots and bootblacking was something I decided to get into around the same time and with what I saw of the skill associated it with a boy activity and I decided I wanted  to learn bootblacking as an attempt at getting closer to my “boy side”.

Back in 2004 there wasn’t much there for classes on bootblacking. A few 101 classes taught here and there but alot of them were hard to get to. I was told about the now Dungeon events in Florida and was intrigued. The predominantly gay leather event which was  basically an education focused event. What caught my attention was that it  had a bootblack track that Christo ran which brought together people both new and old to bootblacking to be together  all weekend and bond, learn, trade ideas and get to black in public. I decided it would be perfect and booked a flight, a room and signed up. This was probably the scariest step I ever took because I took it alone. I would be traveling alone to the event, staying by myself and basically not really know alot of people there.  I was almost completely outside of my comfort zone.  The first night there I felt like a kid on the first day of school.  Dinner was a buffet style with round tables for people to sit at and I felt so on the outside looking in. I no longer felt allowed at the “cool kids” table and I didn’t know anyone else.  Sitting in the back I met some cool new people and tried my best to feel comfortable in my new surroundings.

It wasn’t until Saturday afternoon that I started to feel comfortable with things.  I was informed I was going to have to take an hour of public blacking that night which made me nervous as I had never blacked anywhere in public. This was my first time and frankly? I didn’t feel like I was ready for such a leap.  The classes were  a great learning experience. Blacking 101, History of bootblacking, boot play. The class that made the biggest impression was a class that Paksen taught on personal style and flair.  The class focused on finding your own voice when you bootblack. Something that will make you stand out or something that will trigger your own personal rituals with blacking. I walked away from the class thinking about what I felt I was bringing to the craft. Unsure of what my next step would be.

That night I went to my room to change for the evening class and for my bootblacking shift.  Being a girl I still was in an “OMG what do I wear!” mentality. I decided on my flight suit and boots and pulled my hair back. I looked in the mirror before I was ready to step out the door and I cried. No….I sobbed. This was not me. This was not what I was deep down inside. Not what I was comfortable with showing everybody. I did not feel this was my real voice.  I wiped away my tears and took a long hard look at myself and asked my reflection, “okay then, so who are you? What do we wear?” I pulled through my bag and changed. Black tank dress with back pockets, striped stockings, boots and hair back in side tails.

I looked in the mirror and smiled. There was still a part of me that was saying, “No, this is a boy thing! You can’t do it this way! This is not tradition!”  I packed my gear for class and my gig determined to find myself in this journey.  Before my blacking time I attended a cigar play class. So imagine if you will, me in this outfit sitting outside on a warm Florida night with 10 burly gay leather men smoking a cigar and talking about cigars and ash play. I was throwing them all for a loop because this was not a “girl” activity and yet I was coming up with ideas mixing it with bootblacking that they hadn’t considered.  Still trying to figure out how the girl in the dress and pigtails was even considering this.

When I got to my shift for blacking I tried my best to stay as calm as possible. Remembering not only what I learned in classes over the weekend but also what I remembered from my teacher in NYC.  My first pair of boots was a pair of cowboy boots on this really cute lesbian.  As I worked I started feeling a stronger confidence building. That confidence built to flirting and I found a sort of peace and zen. I was smiling, enjoying myself, having fun. Not worrying about the order of things. It was all coming together naturally. It was where I discovered my idea of using my own thigh high stockings for the nylon buff. How I use it is something that is my own style and have had a few bootblacks to this day tell me they never thought of it.  That bootblacking was her first time getting her boots done and my first time doing them so she and I had essentially taken each others cherry. That will always be special to me.

The second pair I did was with someone I had known for awhile and had a connection with to begin with. The bootblacking took on a whole different feel and was more scene than just “caring of boots”. It was bliss, it was hot and I was becoming more and more comfortable with me. Using what I was given instead of fighting it.

When I left the event I went looking for more bootblacks like me. There really wasn’t any. There were two that I could find on the internet and none of them were close by. I did my best to find my own way through all of this. Embracing my “femme side” bootblacking was something and is still something I am proud of but it has been a hard trip as well. In NYC there was very few places for me to black. The Eagle didn’t want me, The Lure was gone, the gay leather groups were happy to have me black at the larger “community” encompassing events but not the boot and cigar parties even when I offered to a board member I would duct tape my pussy shut if it would make them all more comfortable, but in their eyes you couldn’t hide my obvious girl look. Instead I started blacking for the organization TES in NYC, introducing them to the idea of having a bootblack at a play party and for MAsT when they had a fundraiser which was the only way I ever got to black at the Eagle.

I have  branched out at all kinds of events now be they leather, kink, M/s or fetish.  Easy to spot and always hungry for a yummy pair of boots to sit down at my chair.  I simply love my work and love how I do it. I’m just glad that I am able to find people who enjoy it as much as I do.  It’s been a hell of a journey so far and what is the most interesting is that I don’t even really think of myself as a “girl” bootblack.  I’m simply me and enjoying it.

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