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Thoughts on Flagg

October 10, 2009

Reducing a man like Flagg to just words….snippets of time….just feels like it doesn’t go deep enough….because Flagg is the type of person who when you really got to know him he got you down to the bone.

I remember when I first came to TES in 2002 I was told by certain people, “He’s dangerous…..stay away.” Now those of you that know me that is just putting a moth near a flame. If someone is considered dangerous I want to know and see ‘why’.  I never saw it. Sure he was edgy, sure his ideas were not the norm, and his methods not standard, but I never felt…..fear when I was around him.  I always knew where I stood in his eyes.

Wanting to do anything for him seemed very simple to me and straightforward.  He respected my thoughts and I treasured his council.  At first “the myth and legend” of Flagg kept me away but I soon found that the man was something far more interesting and greater than the myth.   I could share moments. Simple things that just happened because he knew I would do anything for him because that is how I saw him. For a time I called him “Uncle Flagg”. Someone I gleefully asked to tell the “littles” stories knowing that none of them would be nice.  Giggling when Michael at Paddles asked him to take the Nazi arm band off his uniform at a TES costume party, the honor of doing his boots, demoing in classes for him and the one that still sticks out in my mind was when he without hesitation called me up to show exactly “how sharp” his straight razor was. It wasn’t planned and I had no idea what was coming. He told me to kneel and in that tone that only Flagg could do, “don’t breathe…..don’t blink.” He then started shaving away the tips of my eyelashes. Doing it seemed so normal to me. Even when a usual play partner called me a “freak” afterward for doing it.  When he was having problems filling DM shifts at TES FEST and needed someone I was there and when he just needed to pull on someone and whisper horrible things into their ear and poison their mind I was there. He was there for me when I felt like my world was crumbling and was a calming force. Helping me see that no collar did not mean I was not a submissive and that I was worthy of service.

People would ask me why I respected him so much and I would say that I knew that he could just as well kill me and feel nothing and I had the utmost respect for him for that. It wasn’t fear. It was something else. Something more primal. I knew my place in the food chain with him and there is a sort of peace you can find when you really face that fact. It’s actually very peaceful.

I wasn’t in as much contact as I would have wanted after I left NY. We would chat now and again. Keeping up on how we were doing. Seeing him happy the last year meant alot especially with everything he was going through. A part of me feels like I failed him in not being there more in the last year. That I could have done more, but I know he would scold me for it and tell me to snap out of it. Hells he’d probably slap me across the face for it. He would not want me or any of us to mourn him, but fear him because now he can watch over all of us and there was no hiding from him now.

I miss him as I don’t think I will ever meet someone like that again.

Safe Travels Sir….and as I have said already….those Angels better run… and run fast.  I can hear you laughing at their futile attempts of escape.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. JerseyJenny permalink
    October 10, 2009 10:05 pm

    Truly beautiful sweetheart. I never had the honor of meeting him, but your tribute makes me feel like I at least have an inkling to his spirit, and why his absence is sending ripple effects across the community.

    Sending hugs Baby!

  2. October 10, 2009 10:18 pm

    Thank you for your magnificent words. They do honor both to the memory of Flagg and to those of us left behind. *HUGS*

    P

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