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Finding the balance….

August 1, 2009

So on FetLife (basically the Kinksters version of Facebook) I list that I “Live the Lifestyle when I can”.

I was looking at this phrase today on my profile and wondering if that was really true anymore. So I hit edit and looked at the options:

  • I live it 24/7
  • I live the lifestyle when I can
  • Just in the bedroom
  • One and awhile to spice things up
  • Curious and want to try
  • Just curious right now

These options made sense until I got to the top option. Live it 24/7.  I used to think 24/7 was the end all be all of BDSM relationships and I did for all intensive purposes live that for a short period of time or what I thought was 24/7. Everybody has a different opinion of what it is. Just like all things. Statements like “this is ‘true’ Mastery”, “what it means to really submit “or,  *shudder* ‘Old Guard vs. New Guard’  have littered BDSM forums for years just as much as bellydance forums have discussed what is “REAL” bellydance and who is doing the community a disservice by dancing a certain way, dressed a certain way, that kind of music, etc. So what is Live it 24/7? Is it when you think about it almost every second of the day? Attend meetings and events every week? A list of play partners as long as your arm? A relationship where the Master/slave aspect of  it never turns off? Half of your house or all of it looks like something out of a castle dungeon? You wear nothing but leather, or latex, or nothing at all?  It all sounds silly to me now because real life always gets in the way.  There are bills to pay, for most a regular 9 to 5 job, for some there are kids,  some people can only do one event a year and sometimes local leather community is not as engaging as one would like. The bane of small town organizations. So here is my deal.

It’s what you make of it.

I’m finally getting more involved again when it comes to events and what I want to do for teaching.   I’m volunteering for an event in DC that takes place in September. I’m thinking more about what this community means to me. How it fits into who I am. The thing is that I do the same thing with my dance. I get involved more, help organize things locally, take part in events in DC, look at national events, create dance numbers, practice my craft.  I give all I can to both and not one exclusively. Yes I am starting to morph the two but sometimes I just need some simple time. Sarah Sloane, who I am so honored to have known so long said it best, “every sex educator, adult industry performer, & sex writer I know treasures non-sex time & hobbies. Nobody is that one dimensional.” Does this mean they are not 24/7? No. It means they are human.

I think that is where I am now.  What’s kind of amusing to me is that each appeals to both sides of my personality.  Kink appeals to my service and submissive side where dance appeals to the more dominant/alpha parts of me. Guess I really am a switch. *laughs*  I guess the real point is that I can say I am in this 24/7 even when I am for all intensive purposes am without a D/s relationship. My life revolves around this and my dance life 24/7. The key is finding that really amazing space where it all evens out. A constant battle, but one worth fighting.

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