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Dreams & Reality

July 26, 2009

My dreams lately have been becoming more and more kink driven as the days go by. It’s not that surprising. I have two huge events coming up. Floating World in NJ which is my first ginormous event in almost 2 years and Spank Festival in WI, which is a small camping event where I get to spend some time with some very important people in my life.  My dream state has been a swirl of boot time, fire and rope. Connections between people I haven’t seen in what feels like forever. Most of these dreams revolve around going to SPANK, which is not surprising. I kinda know what to expect from that event.

Floating World there is a little more fear there. The event already has over 800 people registered. I haven’t done this particular event ever and I have no idea what to expect from it as it does seem to play by different rules than usual.   I don’t have any playdates set up. Yes I will know people I can think of a couple of people who would love to get their hands on me but I don’t know how well that sits inside of me. I know I will be fine during the day but at night I have no idea if I can handle it all. All the play and sex happening around me might be too much for me to handle. I’m usually fine in such scenarios and can handle it. Being sans any partner for an event is something that I rarely do. I’ve only done it once before. It was a camping event and there were plenty other things I could do or take part in to not think about the fact that I had no time really planned. I swam, I sat in the sun, I danced, I walked around and just enjoyed being me.  I know I should just take that same philosophy and put it into these other events but for some reason it doesn’t seem to fit.

I think the big difference is time. It has been a long time since I have had a heavy scene. Yeah I played in Philly when I was there but, that was different. I can’t quite explain it. It didn’t feel like play. It felt more like being in a dojo learning Martial Arts.  I know what I want to do I just don’t know if I can actually physically do it anymore. If being away from play for so long possibly going mean I can’t go down the path the way I used to. Is the deep abyss too scary for me now.

My dreams were nice though….

  • I was a made into a chandelier with my fans. Suspended and left over a table to light dinner.
  • I was tied up by one of my lovers in the woods. Hanging there while being photographed. Whispers in my ear while he gently spins me.  (this has been a reoccurring dream)
  • I’m just doing boots. I never really see the faces of who is in them. Just the work, someone’s hand through my hair as I work, a statement of ‘good job’, on to the next pair. It’s just me lost in the work.
  • Other dreams are just a tangle of hands and limbs. multiple bodies, multiple satisfactions. It’s complicated and yet very base. Primal.

Now to just teach myself to not be afraid of the reality and find ways to embrace the dream.

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