Busy August Ahead!
It’s almost time again to pack up the suitcase and hope that I can remember everything for a 3 week stretch. The crazy month of August is upon me and what a whirlwind trip it will be!.
First stop is NYC! Back to hang with my NYC Fetish Tribe Crew at IMPACT and to catch up with some peeps for a few days before I head to Floating World in New Jersey where I will be bootblacking Saturday and Sunday and partying till the sun comes up. After Floating World I’m on a plane heading to Chicago where I catch a ride to Black River Falls, WI for Twisted Tryst! An event that has quickly mad it onto my top 3 list. I am teaching a Basics to Sex bootblacking class, but what really has me excited is that I am teaching two dance classes! Loving Your Body Through Dance and Being Topped by the Drum. These classes are some of my more internal classes and soul baring and I am very excited to be helping others find that inner rhythm and inner peace and beauty with them. Not to mention hopefully getting some bonfire dancing and fire fan dancing in as well.
I’ve been already working hard this month on new classes and book ideas. I also have been working hard in trying to find a better balance of self for me. Working on finding peace and happiness at home instead of just on the road. Trying to find comfort in feeling selfish about my art and my creating and also still be responsible. To stop taking for granted that certain people are always going to be there. Relationships constantly need to feel special and wanted. This month has been a wake up call on several levels. I’m just hoping I can find enough inner strength to accomplish everything.
NYC Sex Bloggers Calendar- You know you want to!
So the calendar is getting ready to go and now I am here to sweeten the deal for you! Make the calendar something more personal for you and buy some days on the calendar! Celebrate a birthday or anniversary, Your company with a special discount code, or your event! This is a great opportunity to not just promote you and what you do but to help a great cause! The Woodhull Foundation!
Need some ideas for what to say on your day? Here’s a couple.
– For $25, your company can include a URL and discount code which will be visible for an entire month. Want more visibility? $100 buys you five days, which you can strategically place throughout the year, highlighting your company’s anniversary and other significant days.
– For individuals, that same $25 allows you to feature a meaningful quote, celebrate your blogiversary, send a message to your favorite model or express your gratitude to Woodhull for their dedication to fighting for such an important cause.
When payment is received, they will email you to get your days and messages.
Calendars will sell for $20 after the pre-sale period is closed, so early supporters get a special deal on the combination of pre-ordering and buying a day, for $40 you can get a calendar and one day to personalize and save $5.
Remember your purchases of days and calendars goes to support Woodhull. Here’s some of the specific ways Woodhull strives to promote & protect sexual freedom:
- Woodhull educates the public on the importance and value of sexual freedom and counter the arguments of groups seeking to restrict sexual rights;
- Woodhull advocates for decriminalization and social acceptance of consensual sexual expression;
- Woodhull seeks to change antiquated, repressive and discriminatory sex laws and enforcement practices;
- Woodhull advocates for freedom of speech and artistic expression on sexual themes;
- Woodhull promotes the empowerment of people to take control of their bodies and their sexuality;
- Woodhull supports legal action to overturn court decisions adverse to sexual freedom and privacy rights, and we work to affirm and expand decisions, like Lawrence v. Texas, that support sexual freedom and privacy;
- Woodhull opposes abstinence-only sex “education” and endorse an age-appropriate, comprehensive approach to sex education; and
- Woodhull seeks to protect and foster scientific research on sexuality.
Not good enough?
I’ll sweeten the deal for you even more!
Purchase 1 day: I will do a webcam pic thank you on my blog to you.
Purchase 2-3 days: get a signed photo of me in boots in three possible looks: Innocent, Industrial or Uber Femme.
Purchase 4 days (and get the 5th free!): Get it ALL! The web cam thank you, the signed photo an a special “outtake shot” from my calendar shoot.
Use the code :”LUNA” when you purchase the days.
You know you can’t pass that up! So what are you waiting for! Hurry before the dates you want are taken!
Working with a Patron (NSFW)
Back in December 09 I was looking at trying to get to Vegas for AVN weekend. Money was tight and a trip out to the other side of the country was not going to be cheap. I had been trying to figure out how best to handle trying to get the money for it. I was bantering around a couple of ideas until a friend of mine made me an interesting offer.
They would pay for a photo shoot. My boy would take the photos, they would get a disc of the pictures, I would have 3-4 images for my own use but the rest was his. The request was more “Playboy” than anything. Stuff I was pretty comfortable with doing. We made arrangements so that the pictures would not be used on the web and that he would not try to make money off of them. It was agreed and the payment for the shoot paid for my trip to Vegas.
So fast forward to now. Things have been tough. The Government decided to give my birthday present a week early by telling me with no notice that I was going to be getting no more unemployment and that’s to Congress there would be no extension. You know I normally would not have minded the forced over a barrel kind of sex but this was so not consensual. After I made mention that my money was basically gone my ‘Vegas Patron’ contacted me and asked if I would be interested in doing another shoot. This time he knew what he wanted. A specific look, background, and a toy of my choosing.
A Toy?
I got to basically pick out a new sex toy for me to use for the shoot. REALLY?!
It was almost impossible to contain my inner 4-year-old who immediately started running through the websites of my favorite sex toys. Fighting the urge to say “I want an Eleven!” until I realized I probably couldn’t take one anyway due to the sheer size. Then I started thinking about look and what it could do for me.
I ended up choosing the G-Ki by Je Joue. It has locking adjustable joints for three positions and can be angled up to 60 degrees, variable vibration is available in each end so you can experience simultaneous G-spot and clit. It’s engineered to be ergonomic and green, and if I wanted to I could even use this for other kinds of play……and it came in Rose (aka pink).
SOLD!
So I should be getting the toy any day now like some twisted b-day present.
Now I’m sure a few of you are thinking, “How can you do this? How can you take money for this kind of pictures?” It’s an understandable question and I will simply put it this way:
I actually enjoy doing it. There is something rather hot about having pictures taken knowing that they would be for a specific object at that would be to be getting someone off. With my boy taking the pictures I have no problem sexing it up in front of the camera. It also gives me time to remember to love my body and not beat myself up over every little inch. Knowing that they are interested in how I look NOW and they don’t expect anything else makes it that much more enjoyable.
I have a feeling that this is a good working relationship that I can get used to.
In the next month the photos will be shot. I’m really looking forward to it.
Time to stand on my own two feet…..let’s do this.
So this weekend we are celebrating Independence Day. A time where we as a country said enough is enough. I never thought it would have so much meaning to me as it does right now.
I have been busy working hard on building my own business. Virtual Assistant work and so far it has been going smoothly. I was hoping the unemployment checks were going to come in til at least end of August. That was the plan. That was the time frame I thought I had. I was wrong. I got the letter today basically saying “your funds are done. Congress has not voted to allow extensions. Have a nice day.” So here I am I have put out about 10-20 resumes a week for everything from Executive assistant work, to receptionist, to hostess and server at a restaurant and no one is hiring. So I am declaring my independence.
I am pushing the business forward. I have had a few clients state that they were interested in hiring me in the fall, but I am looking for clients now. Rates are reachable for artists, not for profit or small business owners, and alternative lifestyle workers.
BTN Consulting! (BTN + Beyond The Norm)
I offer the following:
Social Media Networking (Twitter, Facebook, FetLife, etc)
– Email coordination
– PR distribution
– Billing (QuickBooks)
– Ebay and PayPal management
– Maintaining Spreadsheets and databases
– Internet Research
– Organizing To-do lists
– Calendar Management
– Travel Arrangements and Itinerary Management
– Management of Contracts
– Creating promotional materials, including press release and blog posts
– Special Projects based on client needs.
– Audio and Video Editing
– Graphic Design and using stock photography.
Event Services
– Researching Event Locations
– Vendor Coordination
– Event Booth Sales
if you or anyone you know is interested in my services please contact me at btnconsulting@gmail.com as I am very much interested!
Have a Happy 4th everyone!
All I Ever Needed….
‘All I ever needed….was the the music….and the mirror….and a chance to dance for you.’ – A Chorus Line
The other day I watched Every Little Step. A documentary on the auditioning process for the revival of A Chorus Line. This was my first musical ever. Originally released in 1975 my parents had the soundtrack on an 8 track when I was growing up. I danced and lip synced and sang all the songs as a child. I knew what a box step was before I was even taught what a box step was. Babysitters would look at me weird when I would dance with a fan and do back bends instead of bounce around a room like other kids.
When I was in kindergarten my mom enrolled me in ballet classes and pulled me out so I could go to religion class instead because I was obviously stiff as a board when I was in class. She had me make the choice but she also kept pushing that dance wouldn’t go anywhere. Religion and my relationship to god was always.
I was always very emotional when I watched dance or anything on stage or screen. I cried after Flashdance, Footloose, Singing in the Rain, even Xanadu. I cried during the Nutcracker when my mother took me as a child. It all moved me. I saw a performance of the Tallis Scholars in college and during one song turned to a friend of mine telling them to make it stop because they were breaking my heart. A saw the movie version of A Chorus Line and was a little upset that some songs were changed or removed completely, but it still triggered the same memories. I stood on the stage of CATS in dance shoes and felt a sensation that I can barely express without tears. I went to college dreaming of Broadway and Carnegie Hall. Even when I was living in NYC I still thought, “hey! I can do theater and dance and sing and…” then this reality hits. Sure I did theater. Off-Off Broadway and I even stage-managed a show and got paid. I’ve even done 4 performances in a chorus at Carnegie Hall and in Prague and St. Petersburg Russia.
Now this isn’t some “see I’m accomplished” post. Actually it’s quite the opposite. When I was in high school my yearbook said I was most likely to win a Tony by the time I was 25. Here I am….turning 37 and no where near a stage of any kind.
I dance now. Something I keep fighting to keep in my life. Even considered going to school full-time for it recently yet something stopped me. The gremlin’s pointing out my age, my size, my financial situation and yet it still looms over me as something I want. That dance is still something that I do for love and want to share.
So where is this going? While watching the documentary and watching these dancers go through the process (8 months of auditions) it had me thinking alot about what they do and why they do it. I saw alot of myself in them. The passion, the need to do what they do. Also what was hitting me was the concept of the role of Cassie. That unless she had a mirror she did not know how to relate to herself. She needed it for verification of self. So this is what really got me the most because I started seeing the combination of not just my dance but my needs to serve.
I’ve never been a fan of the mirror when it comes to my dance. I find that I become more hesitant with it. I feel more scrutinized and I place alot more pressure on myself. Like the bar becomes much higher. There is a sense of fear. Of uncertainty. I have actually stopped going to dance classes because of the mirror in the past. A fear that I have slowly been attacking over time, but there is still this want and need of acceptance that is there. Acceptance from my peers, those that I love and are near and dear to me. I want to be good enough.
There’s a large part of me where I feel the same way with my service. Since I am far away from my Sir I constantly seek his acknowledgment and acceptance. He becomes my mirror and I hold alot of what I do up to him and look for an answer. I realized that I have always been like this. That my service and submission means nothing to me without some sort of acknowledgment. That I need the pat on the head or feedback or I feel like it is empty.
Maybe that is why I create. Why I write, teach and dance. That deep down all I really want is to be told that I am good at something.
How Could I be Blocked?!
So I have been having a steady stream of creativity and ideas for the last couple of months. It has been really awesome and I must say I have been very happy with the new stretch of work and creative push that I have had. So of course like a pendulum I am swinging in the opposite direction right now. Clawing at the air to try to swing back the other way. It could just be for a couple of days, could be PMS, could just be I need some downtime. All I know is that right now? I can’t focus and momentum is slowing down. Through all of this my insides are screaming, “How can this be?!” while my brain is yawning and falling asleep.
For awhile I have had so many ideas and thoughts that I would get up at 3AM just to write down a thought because if I didn’t then I would feel like my brain was cracking open. Some people compare ideas to fish in a pond and how sometimes you need to restock the pond before you fish again. I think my problem right now is that I have all these fish flopping around on the shore that I caught and now I am squeamish to gut them and do something with them. I can’t throw certain ones back in because they have been out too long. So the question becomes what is holding me back?
What am I afraid of?
I’m finally doing what I want? Why is that so scary to me?
Growing as a presenter….
This was my first Shibaricon. Being offered a chance to present at such an event was such an honor as I looked at the list of presenters. These are people I look up to and some I am proud to call tribe and peers. I taught my class Inner Journey of Rope. This is a class that goes into the more emotional and mental aspects of what we do as rope bottoms. This class has been a journey in itself. A subject that I decided to work on last August do to being brought back into wraps of rope and suspension. Every rope experience wa different and started pulling up old memories. Some good, some bad and it got me thinking more about the inner aspects of rope work. Also the book Rope, Power and Bondage also got me thinking more and more about what was going on inside of me with rope and not just the stretching and flexibility aspect.
The class was becoming very cohesive and became even more after attending a dance class called “Dancing your Demons” which focused on dealing with the internal as emotional fodder for dance. The teacher focused on the teachings of Jung and is concepts of the shadow which I felt spoke very much to the kink side of things.
My class was on Saturday and against Midori and Scott Smith. I was happy with having around 12-14 people in my class. I was actually more afraid of having a larger class because anything over 20 people I think would have been more difficult. It was the second exercise where I seemed to hit something important with people. I normally do not take pride in making people cry in my classes, but this one I feel was important on many levels! The fact that they felt safe enough in my class to let go meant alot to me because alot of the classes I teach are not easy. They are mentally and emotionally exhausting. This is mostly due to the fact that the classes are coming from a bottoming perspective. My classes are not how-to classes. I’m not teaching how to tie a suspension or throw a whip. I am teaching about how to sort out the emotional and mental aspects of things. This is not easy stuff and is usually overlooked in most event presentation tracks so I was very happy to not only teach my class but attend other classes based on it.
Also during the weekend I went to lunch with a large number of the educators of the event to discuss better educating tools. The conversation was all over the place and at one point split into 3 different conversations. Also after the event a few of us started talking about teaching at events and conventions and what we would want as educators as a way to be compensated for events more. I wish we had more time to talk and it made me wish that ALPSEC was an option for me in November because I think I would benefit alot from attending, but as always money is an issue.
I think what I learned about myself as an educator this weekend is that I am becoming more and more comfortable with seeing this as my calling. That teaching lined up with my writing and bootblacking I have been making this my year of development. Speaking from the heart and not being afraid to share what I know and feel with others. I felt really proud about what I accomplished over the weekend and I am already itching to teach again soon.
Me = Calendar Girl!
So back in February a call went out for the new Sex Bloggers Calendar. They opened it up to National instead of just having the bloggers be from NYC. The only request was that the picture embodied what we viewed our sexual freedom as. Around the time of the call out was when I was deciding on running for IMsBB and without hesitation I knew what the picture I wanted to do was. I’m really proud of it as it is a nod not just to being me but as being a femme, a bootblack and my Sir’s Girl. It’s all there and I love it. I was blown away when I found out I made the cut and was going to be in the calendar.
ME!
I mean look at this list of people!
Nina Hartley (Shut up! Yes, you heard it right, Nina Hartley)
Sovereign Syre (scroll down to her Back in Black video, you will not be disappointed)
To be in with these people is a huge honor and I can’t wait to see the finished product and be at the release party! This is a so exciting!
Evolution not Revolution
Over the last 10 years there has been an evolution of self for me. Not just in the leather scene but also in my dance. I think what has been interesting is what has stayed the same and what has changed for me over the years. What is happening right now for me is I am tired. Tired of being told what is the right way. The one true way. I feel like I have been fighting a sort of Creationism vs Evolution in alot of different areas of my life.
When I started taking dance back in 05 the only classes I could find was at a bellydance school that taught Cabaret style. Not something I was really interested in and the only Tribal was American Tribal Style and that didn’t really work for me. I learned alot in my classes in Cabaret style but when I was asked if I wanted to do a solo I said yes but I wanted to do a tribal fusion piece 3 of the 4 teachers fought me on it. My music had to be approved, my costume had to be approved. My dance had to be seen and approved twice. The other dancers didn’t have to jump thru as many hoops as I did and it angered me. I was still a dancer. I was still taking what they taught me and was just utilizing it differently. Even when I was given the chance to dance American Tribal Style I was not happy with the mold they wanted me to be in. The troupe wanting to embrace their size and was upset that I was working so hard to lose weight when they wanted to do “Pro Fat” events. I couldn’t do it. I found other dancers that accepted me and welcomed me in and I have never forgotten that. Since that time I now take lessons from a teacher who wants me to express my creativity and sees me as an artist first. Even in my own dance community I tend to push the envelope and I am very proud of that.
As a bootblack I came across the same thing. If you read my “Finding my Femme Bootblack Side” post you know how I got to where I am today. I was originally terrified of taking the step toward being a femme bootblack. I always thought I had to be butch or identify as boi in order to do it because that was the image that was presented. I remember hesitantly asking people if it would be okay to do it dressed like a girl because frankly….I couldn’t see myself doing it any other way. Sure I tried doing the dress like a boy thing but even with my hips and chest it doesn’t fly. I am a girl and trying to hide that fact is practically impossible. I have finally come to love my body and the curves that it has. I don’t want to hide that with baggy jeans and shirt. I have held onto my identity and I never thought twice about it until recently. Having negative comments from another bootblack on how I really didn’t know how to bootblack and that people in my chair just stared at my chest and ignored what I was doing to their boots and to have a bootblack tell me the morning after coming to terms of not winning IMsBB that I should consider stop calling myself a “femme” bootblack and just call myself a bootblack so I stop alienating myself from my community all hurt more than any leather bar telling me they didn’t want me to black because these people are supposed to be my peers and my kin. I have decided I’m not going to apologize for who I am. I’m proud of the path I have been walking. It has not been easy and sometimes I feel like just throwing my kit away and saying to hell with it all, but then I get a thank you, start someone on the path, and just feel the glow and excitement I get when I do a kick ass job on a pair of boots. I never thought I would see myself as someone pushing the definition of bootblack but here we are.
When Pony won International Ms. Bootblack in 2009 and that 3 femme bootblacks total ran for the title that year I found hope. Funny that such an act would create such an emotion but it did. I had hope for my community. That maybe just maybe we had evolved as a community and that Femme Bootblacks were becoming more of a force. When Pony started the Femme Bootblacking list on FetLife and asked me to co-facilitate it I was honored and proud to see how many are in our ranks. The evolution that started with Michael Ann in 2000 is becoming something larger. What was sad was when it was my turn to run for IMsBB the number of femmes not just femme bootblacks who came to me excited about me running because then maybe the discrimination against leather femmes would start to decrease. Leaving California my brain was swimming. What to do? How to handle it all? Could I just turn away and ignore? When some of the strongest and fiercest women I know were telling me their stories I realized I couldn’t do that. I had to stand proud of who I am. I’ve been afraid for far too long of making someone upset over what I want to create and share within my communities. Sure I have been getting some negative statements recently but they seem to be one voice in a sea of support. I am very thankful for that.
I see the next year full of excitement and possibilities with some amazing people being a part of it. To be honest? For the first time I think I have finally come to realize who I am and what I am capable of. I finally realized that I have wings and I really am ready to fly.
Going Round and Round…..
It’s the time of year. It happens as soon as May hits. The Summer months are laid in front of me and I start spinning trying to figure out what I am going to do. Everybody is doing something this time of year. As if the desire to play, learn and create only happens between Memorial Day and Labor Day.
So then the question becomes where do I focus? Which do I want to become important for me? While reorganizing my dance studio space in my house I looked at the piles I had in it. A pile of dance costume pieces, a pile that had my corset and fishnets and such, and a pile with some bootblacking stuff mixed in with boots. I looked at it and sighed because this really just symbolized my life. Dance, Bootblacking, Kink, all in one space. Just like my head. Some days I feel like I have too many “hobbies” in my life, but then I realize that all of them make my life richer and fuller. The problem is that my brain keeps going like a manic hamster on crack with ideas of what I can do in all those areas.
I have 2 dance events I want to do.
I have 4 Kink events I want to attend.
2 new classes to develop and teach for kink community.
A dance piece to perfect and a new one I want to get out there.
Develop a monthly tribal dance show in Charlottesville
Develop my Bootblacking Project/Organization
Work on Artist Way
And of course my brain wants me to do all of this NOW. Just like everyone else the need to create, learn and play hits me. So the question becomes where to focus. Where to prioritize. Do I make the list and just cross things out as I go? Can I stick to a summer list? Can I afford the stuff on my summer list? Can I remember to do things for me and not just out of guilt, being someones pawn or peer pressure? Can I learn to not get upset if lack of finances stop me from doing something?
Growth is a coming. I just need to not be so afraid of it all.
Deviant Dance 