The planning starts…..and I need your help

I normally am not very good at this but I am asking humbly for your help.  Some of you may or may not know but running for a leather title is not easy and it is not cheap either. The event is in San Francisco, there is hotel cost for 4 nights as I must there Thursday – Sunday, contest fees and so on the costs get really high really fast.

My “club” or “organization” is really all of you. I know so many people around the country that if I was to affiliate myself with the groups you all are in I would have so many membership cards I would not be able to close my wallet.  So I am coming to you for help. A small donation to help me make the trek to San Francisco and represent. Not a club, not an organization but all of  you that I have had the honor of blacking for over the years. To all of you that I took your bootblacking cherries. To Tribe both new and old and  those of you who have been loyal to me over the last 6 years. It is you that I am representing.

Every little bit counts and as you all know that small amount can add up.

IMsBB 2010 Travel Fund

Every donation will be acknowledged on my “Thank You” Page and will receive a personalized Thank You note from me.  So please be sure to let me know your address for mailing that.

To all of you that has supported me to this point thank you. I look forward to the journey ahead.

IMsBB here I come….

I have been going back and forth for 4 years now about possibly doing a title contest.  I’ve always sided on the no. Giving tons of reasons not to do it. Ranging from skill level, time, expectation and so on when deep down inside it was really fear that was guiding my answers.

I ran for Ms. Boston Leather back in 2000. A girl from Portland, Maine I was surprised that they were asking me to take part. Even when I finished my application my then Master took it and mailed it to make sure I went through with it.  It was an amazing experience and because of what I learned about myself  I started taking the steps toward teaching , created ME-TNG back in the day and started making the leap for NYC.  It was my first real spring board.

Now here I am 10 years later and I am going to take another huge step on this path. I’m going to run for Ms. International Bootblack in April this year.  Every time I say it I get this wash of fear and excitement all at once. It’s truly amazing.

So why now?

Something clicked recently. I finally found the voice I really wanted to have for running. I am comfortable with me and who I am and what I do and how I do it. That’s huge and  the support I have received so far from friends and tribe has been wonderful and has shown me how blessed I am.  I am so excited to be sharing this experience. This is going to be one hell of a ride!

Watch out IMsBB…..Luna is coming!

Scene Report: Vegas Beatdown

When I was still a baby in this scene and when I say baby I mean I was only 6 years in a member of my leather family showed me this photo album he had from when he was younger in the scene. Inside was pictures of the old Inferno days. A camping play event for gay leathermen. The pictures showed me play that was above and beyond anything I had seen before.  It was visceral, primal, no holds barred. Naked men tied roughly to trees and getting whipped to blood.  I found myself fascinated. I wanted it.

When I moved to NYC I got to witness more play like that and learned alot through watching. All it would take with one play partner was to have him whisper into my ear, “show me what you learned from watching the gay boys play,” and I would sink. Able to take more than I ever could before. I used to attach it to a more “boy” side of my persona but through the years I have learned it’s not attached to gender for me. It’s simply who I am.

While in Vegas I found myself craving it. All I did was look at Sir and say, “I need you to beat the living shit out of me Sir.”  he nodded knowingly and decided that it could definitely be something he could do. The party was getting late, still filled with alot of people trying too hard to be “in”. We joked that it could clear the room of the “wannabes”.

We set up at the suspension rig in the main room and I started getting nervous. Sir and I had never done a “scene” before. Our play is always attached to boots or to spur of the moment actions. This was going to be something different and it was going to be rough and I knew it.  I was placing myself into his hands and I had no idea what was going to happen. Any sane person would have been terrified by this prospect but instead I found myself rather at peace. I trusted him wholly and completely.  He was going to throw me off the edge of this abyss and I knew he would be there to find me and catch me.

What made this scene even more intense was that my voice was shot by this point. I had lost it the day before due to head cold and talking over the loud music the night before. So I wouldn’t be able to scream, I wouldn’t be able to safe word. There was no real escape. When he tied my wrists we worked out a signal for safewording. I heard him, I understood, but a part of me knew I would never really reach for that escape.  I needed this. This was like a giant reset button for myself. I hadn’t gone down it what felt like forever.  I could not see myself tapping out early.  Before it started he pulled me in and stated quite matter of factly, “you asked for this, but this is not for you.” I understood it all very well and the hits began.

I don’t know if I can really truly put to words what it was like. hard slaps, punches and kicks to my body. No part of me was safe.  I would try to pull away only to be forcefully pulled back to take more. The tears flowed freely, the pain was exquisite. I was shaking, I was terrified and then I would find peace and take every hit without so much as a flinch and then it would ramp up to a point where I thought I would break in half.  Only one toy was ever used on me and I will kill the bastard who ever thought up graphite evil sticks.  Other than that it was just his fists.  I never saw the hits coming as I was blindfolded. I never saw what it was doing to him or the look in his eye. I just felt the intensity of his actions.

Next thing I knew I was being taken down and told “we’re not done.”  I knelt and held on to my girl for dear life. I was shaking, sobbing  and waiting for what might come next. When he returned I was informed that a security issue had happened and it pulled him out of his headspace and that we were going to have to stop. It was then that the tears were unable to stop.  I was able to finally tell him. It wasn’t because I had reached a cathartic release, or because I was in severe pain, it was because we were done and I wanted more. I was being beaten down like no other where I felt fear and release all at once and I was crying because it was done.

Me = sick fuck

I was hoping to dance to calm down but when all the skinny porn “talent” hit the dance floor I became harshly aware of my body and decided no. The room did thin…there wasn’t as many people. I don’t know if that was our doing but I liked it.  Aftercare was simply conversation with people who watched, a clove or 3 and some quality curled up at Sir’s knee time.

I was one giant bruise and it felt painfully delicious.   Dark purple and red covering my hips, thighs and ass. Sitting hurt, leaning hurt, people hugging me and giving me love taps on my ass hurt. I loved it. And it still sits in my mind as one of the best beatdowns I ever had.

I’m already looking forward to round two.

“Flagging Skully”

If anyone has been in the scene for any length of time you might have come across the concept of flagging or hanky code. A concept originally stemmed from the gay leather scene, the flagging of a particular color and which back pocket you were wearing it in gave people an idea of what you were cruising for. Each color meaning something different Black= Heavy SM, Red=Fisting, Lightblue= cocksucking, Yellow= well you can guess. *grins*

Over the years I have “earned” 5 hankies. All given to me by the Dominant I was with at the time because they felt I had earned the right to flag those particular colors. I had always viewed it as something that needed to be earned. To have the right to wear. I still do, but the concepts of it all has changed recently thanks to the introduction of someone new in my inner circle.

If you haven’t met Skully from the NYC Fetish Tribe you’re missing out. An extremely outgoing and positive soul he will be the first person with a smile and  to make you feel welcome at a party. You will also notice his love of black and hot pink. They are his “colors”. Add the Skulls and you have his hanky which he wears.  We originally were introduced 3 years ago at Folsom Street East but hadn’t crossed paths again until Floating World this past August. The connection at Floating World was one of those, “he shouldn’t be able to do that to my brain,” moments and it left me wondering and contemplating alot when I left. We kept in touch and knew that we would run into each other again in October. I found myself scheming as far as what to wear. Finding Hot pink and black Cuban heeled seamed stocking which made me giggle  but the real find was boot laces that were black with hot pink skull and crossbones. As I clicked “BUY” on my laptop laughing an evil laugh my logic brain started applying the brakes, “You don’t do pink! You hate pink!” and my brain was right. Pink has been a hard limit and something that was considered punishment or a form of humiliation for me over the years. It made me cry, made me feel off balance in the past and yet here I saw it as a flirt, a tease, and was something fun. At least that was my thought process when I bought them. As the weeks went by and the event got closer my thoughts on the laces and wearing the colors was changing.  This was no longer a game. They were starting to mean something to me. A way to flag what I was looking for. I wore them and the stockings with pride. He was very amused by it all and like the fact that I was starting to make my intentions known.

After the event I was going to take the laces out but to be honest I didn’t want to. They kept me grounded. It kept him close to me in my brain. We discussed it and decided that having me “Flag Skully” on my boots made the most sense since I was a  bootblack and as one who does his boots where better to have it make a mark. So the laces stay. Any other pair of boots I wear I do my best to flag the colors as well. It’s made me rather creative with it.  It’s just a simple thing and to some it might be seen as a silly thing but in the end it’s important to me and to him and that’s really all that matters.

What gets this girl to Top

I normally don’t Top. It’s not my thing. Two things usually happen when the topic of me Topping comes up. They are either scared of me Topping because they have seen me bottom and assume I will dish out what I am willing to personally take or the people who usually ask me are men and frankly I get nothing from Topping men. There is something I find unsatisfying in doing it. I think it’s just that I enjoy the men in life to be strong and dominant and yet it is strength that appeals to me when I Top women. It takes a certain something to really get me into that head space.  Only a handful has gotten me there.  Usually it’s a princess type that lures me in. Someone who thinks I couldn’t POSSIBLY hit them let alone hurt them in any way. This only pushes me and urges me further.  I am only satisfied until I have them in tears. It reaches a sadistic part of me, which I still am not sure I am comfortable with. It Mirrors my own hunger and tastes when I bottom to people and sometimes seeing a clear picture like that is rather unnerving.  Then there are those females that just exude this energy that I want to taste. They push out something special and I want to take hold, mold, shape and bend it to my will. At Xcess I came across such a woman.

When I first saw her I didn’t think anything would happen. This was not something planned or negotiated. It just happened. It all just started with her first showing me what her new found play partner at the party could do to her. Her body arching and moving from his touches. She was holding on to me for balance.  Her energy pushing out and I couldn’t resist any more. I had to taste.  A gentle caress here, a soft whisper in the ear there.  Her lips too soft to not kiss. My hands pulling her hair as I licked at her neck. Her reactions to my touch simply urged me further. At one point I glance out from the bubble of energy being created by us to see her friend that she arrived with smile at what was happening. They came over to me and said, “take care of her.” I nodded in understanding and continued my work. My hands finding her sensitive places. Watching her eyes roll back in pleasure. She finally asked if she could trust me. This made me smile more than anything because asking for trust means they want to go further than the standard ideas of play. When she told me what she wanted I smiled wide as my hands encircled her throat. I started to squeeze off her air. My tongue licking at her lips.  She was so sweet as I teased the air in and out of her. Soon enough the boy she had played with became secondary. What mattered was my hands on her. Exploring her and feel her react under me.  When she tells me she’s never been with a woman before it only fuels me more. I have no intentions of breaking her, only making her feel intensely.  I want this to be something she remembers. Once our “scene” was over we were far from done. She became a constant companion for the rest of the evening.  The two of us simply feeding off of each other. Not getting enough of each other just exploring as much as possible.

We are already planning new adventures which makes me very happy. I haven’t had a girl as a play partner for a long time and I really am interested in keeping her around. I think this could be the beginning of something quite fun indeed.

Holiday Ideas!

My Holiday lists always look unique and giggle worthy as they are a mixture of fetish and dance items. This year is no exception. Here are some of my top picks.

1. Delicious Boutique- Based in Philadelphia Delicious has some of the best artisan clothing out there from artists like SkinGraft, Delicious Corsets, and Fosterweld. The clothing is addictive and I have yet to know anyone who has shopped here and not become addicted. Perfect for the tribal bellydancer, steampunk or burner on you list.

2. For Your Nymphomation- I love these guys! And I love the whole concept of a nice sleek case to carry my toys in. Personally the Big Foot. Is on my list.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don’t have a giant toybox but I like the idea of having something that keeps them all in one place and neat and clean.  Also for those that aren’t in need of a “sex toy” bag this makes a great travel case for shoes or make up or toiletries. Check out their other bags too!

3. NJoy- When it comes to sex toys NJoy does not mess around. Personally I like a toy with weight to it and this does not disappoint. The Pure Wand is at the top of my toy list. A solid piece that can hit just the right spots with ease and personally like the idea of vibrations through the metal.  Just holding something like this in my hands makes me giggle with evil delight.

4. Jacqueline Marie Couture: If you love latex and want something unique you have come to the right place.  Jacqueline is a self-made latex designer who started making clothing because she just wasn’t seeing anything that she wanted to wear herself. He ideas are unique and free-flowing and she is open to custom work to help make your ideas comes to life. She loves working with people of all sizes and I personally am working on an idea with her which has me super excited.

 

5.Kathleen Crowley Costume Couture: Dancer friends take note! I actually own a few pieces from Kathleen Crowley and it is absolute LOVE. Also if you are a 1920’s brothel look fan she can definitely make your day. Lace, layers, stripes. She does it and it’s solid work. Find her pieces to not only be good for dance but also for kink events when I am going for a softer look. She also does custom work if you are looking for a full look instead of just one piece.  It takes time but her quality is so worth it.

There are so many more things but this is my Top 5 for the holidays for me. Clothing and toys….I’m such a girl.

 

My time with NYC Fetish Tribe

So after hearing so much from Skully about the quality of parties and scene  that NYC Fetish Tribe put together I decided that this past weekend would be a perfect chance to experience the ride.  Suspension has become one of the better kink/fetish parties in NYC since it’s creation about a year and a half  ago. There newest endeavor, ‘Xcess’ , a Saturday night party was set to be one hell of a get together and a one, two punch with Suspension on Thursday night and Xcess on Saturday, plus I had offered my services as a bootblack for the Saturday night event so it was already shaping up to be a hell of a weekend.

I got into NYC Thursday night and headed straight to the club. I was one of the first people there and needless to say I  was nervous, new environment and not really sure who was going to be there. Sir was an unknown factor as far as being my guide for the night due to his schedule but when I got there I was greeted warmly at the door. I wandered to the back room where event at 9:30pm there was some play going on around me. I was called over to one of the curtained cubbie areas where inside I was greeted by two of the parties organizers who were both excited to have me in for the weekend. We sat and talked shop; the scene in NYC, what was working, what was failing and why they do what they do. MikeB summed it up rather nicely, “Do you see them over there,” he says pointing to a lovely couple doing a spanking scene, ” that is why I do this. A young couple being hot and sexy and playing. Giving them the space to do so I love that.”

He introduced me to some more people who were also very open and welcoming. My brain was thrown by all of this. This is not what I was used to or expected with a “fetish” party.  I was used to the Femme Doms being stuck up and people being very guarded or followed by submissive men looking to massage my feet.  The closest I got to creepy was toward the end of the night when a very drunk  guy in a suit wanted to buy me shots. When I told him I didn’t drink you’d think I just told him I was a lesbian.   I wandered and watched people for a while and found a gaggle of peeps that I knew. We caught up and had a few laughs as the place started filling up more and more. By 11:00 the place was packed and Sir arrived which made the night that much more sociable. Introduced to a wide array of people and getting talked up about my bootblacking for the following night. What I couldn’t help but notice was how young the crowd was. A large number of these people were in the 18-35 age group which made me very happy to see.  This would be a theme that would continue.  The co-hosts kept checking in with me making sure I was doing well and having a good time.  What was interesting to me is that I was told that this was a quiet night. The place was packed but MikeB confirmed that this was about half of what it usually is.  That normally you can’t throw a flogger in the space. Personally I was glad for that. It made it more approachable for a first timer like myself.  It was an amazing night for me that ended at the god awful hour of 3:30 and at least 3 cherries of mine taken. A good night as far as I was concerned and one that had me excited for the main event of Xcess.

I had heard about Tribe Theater since they had their Halloween After  SMACK Party. Three floors, DJs on each floor, places to play, place to dance, places to curl up and make out or whatever,  and did I mention also the giant jacuzzi tub?  This space was going to be pretty awesome and it was. I arrived an hour early to get ready and set up.  Again warmly welcomed and checked in with which for someone who still saw herself as very much the outsider really needed.  They had me set up on the second floor. The main play space with a throne for my chair and pads for my floor space which rocked.  What was amazing for me was that once I started at 10pm I didn’t stop til about 3 hours later and I have no idea where that time went. The space was crowded but to be honest I was so into my work I had no notice of time or space outside of my own bubble.   I finally took a break and wandered. The place was packed and was packed all night.  I did another hour of boots and called it a night. Found a pretty girl to torture, and had some great connect time with the Montreal crew and more of the Tribe crew. Usually around 3AM parties tend to thin out but not this party. They had to work hard to kick people out at 4.

After party was off the hook and at 11:30 I needed food and catch a bus home. Up for 33 hours but damn it was worth every second.  Sir always said that I would be grateful for the experience and I was.  I totally get the experience and what Tribe does. It brings together good people and I am proud to call myself a friend of Tribe.  I look forward to the next party I can get to as so many have made such a huge impression on me.

2010 schedule starting to take shape!

So the first of the 2010 events for me are lining up which is really exciting on all fronts!

First on the teaching side of things I have Madtown Kink Festival in Madison, WI in Feb and Shibaricon in May! I am so excited about both of these events! I will be teaching a brand new rope bottoms class called The Inner Journey of Rope which I am very proud of and I will be also teaching my Femme Style of Bootblacking at Madtown.  So those of you who were at SPANK and missed the class can catch it at Madtown!

On the crazy side of things I might be going to Vegas in Jan. I want to keep it at that for now until things get more solidified but I must say the prospect has me excited, nervous, terrified and giddy all at once. I’ve never been to Vegas and granted I would be so busy with stuff to really say I experienced the “Vegas Experience” I will walk away from the whole thing feeling more like, “Holy Shit! I had an amazing time!” I’m already planning custom outfits for it. LOL

On the dance side of things I am VERY excited to be doing a 3 day intensive with my dance mentor Asharah in DC in February. This girl is an amazing dancer and her artistic ethics and technique leave me pulling a Wayne’s World, “We’re Not Worthy! We’re Not Worthy!” # days with her will leave me feeling like I am slug with no bones but it will be so good for me to do some total immersion.

Of course the concern is all the travel. Let’s face it air travel is not cheap and I really should start looking into signing up for more frequent flyer mile cards. Should do some research about flyer miles and seeing if it’s possible to gift miles. I mean hey! If you really want to see me maybe you can pitch in to a travel fund? Might be something to look into.

Thoughts on Flagg

Reducing a man like Flagg to just words….snippets of time….just feels like it doesn’t go deep enough….because Flagg is the type of person who when you really got to know him he got you down to the bone.

I remember when I first came to TES in 2002 I was told by certain people, “He’s dangerous…..stay away.” Now those of you that know me that is just putting a moth near a flame. If someone is considered dangerous I want to know and see ‘why’.  I never saw it. Sure he was edgy, sure his ideas were not the norm, and his methods not standard, but I never felt…..fear when I was around him.  I always knew where I stood in his eyes.

Wanting to do anything for him seemed very simple to me and straightforward.  He respected my thoughts and I treasured his council.  At first “the myth and legend” of Flagg kept me away but I soon found that the man was something far more interesting and greater than the myth.   I could share moments. Simple things that just happened because he knew I would do anything for him because that is how I saw him. For a time I called him “Uncle Flagg”. Someone I gleefully asked to tell the “littles” stories knowing that none of them would be nice.  Giggling when Michael at Paddles asked him to take the Nazi arm band off his uniform at a TES costume party, the honor of doing his boots, demoing in classes for him and the one that still sticks out in my mind was when he without hesitation called me up to show exactly “how sharp” his straight razor was. It wasn’t planned and I had no idea what was coming. He told me to kneel and in that tone that only Flagg could do, “don’t breathe…..don’t blink.” He then started shaving away the tips of my eyelashes. Doing it seemed so normal to me. Even when a usual play partner called me a “freak” afterward for doing it.  When he was having problems filling DM shifts at TES FEST and needed someone I was there and when he just needed to pull on someone and whisper horrible things into their ear and poison their mind I was there. He was there for me when I felt like my world was crumbling and was a calming force. Helping me see that no collar did not mean I was not a submissive and that I was worthy of service.

People would ask me why I respected him so much and I would say that I knew that he could just as well kill me and feel nothing and I had the utmost respect for him for that. It wasn’t fear. It was something else. Something more primal. I knew my place in the food chain with him and there is a sort of peace you can find when you really face that fact. It’s actually very peaceful.

I wasn’t in as much contact as I would have wanted after I left NY. We would chat now and again. Keeping up on how we were doing. Seeing him happy the last year meant alot especially with everything he was going through. A part of me feels like I failed him in not being there more in the last year. That I could have done more, but I know he would scold me for it and tell me to snap out of it. Hells he’d probably slap me across the face for it. He would not want me or any of us to mourn him, but fear him because now he can watch over all of us and there was no hiding from him now.

I miss him as I don’t think I will ever meet someone like that again.

Safe Travels Sir….and as I have said already….those Angels better run… and run fast.  I can hear you laughing at their futile attempts of escape.

(NSFW) Scene Report: Could it get any hotter?

So we all know my love of boots. I’ve never hidden it. It has been something I love sharing the skill to new people, to partners that I have connected with several times and then there are those who are just new. New and love boots and having them done as much as I love working on them is just hot. It’s no longer just a boot scene….it’s sex.

To be honest there was no plan. All we knew was I was going to do his boots. No real plan after that. No idea what to expect. Since this was a more intimate setting I felt like I could really explore this the way I wanted to. I have had a couple of months to really let the idea sink in. It was one of those things where this was something I REALLY wanted to do for him, but being held in place by my throat, a kiss branded on me with his words of “I want you to do my boots,” just made the moment that much more important.

I was in a haze of my own need and lust. His boot on my thigh I narrowed in on the work at hand, but it was done ever so slowly. My hands mixing with the saddle soap cleaning the boot.  Kneading the boot deeply so he can feel it through the leather. My head on his knee, my mouth kissing and nibbling his calves as that was the skin I could reach under the kilt.  His hands running through my hair, forcefully massaging and squeezing my shoulders to the point of pain. My teeth gritting through trying to focus on what the task was but….I would become so distracted by all the sensations. It was as if my head and body was like a sponge.  It would soak up all this energy of  need, and want and then he would ring me out and I could work again until I soaked up too much and became distracted again.

Everything was a blur of  work and sensations. The point was connection.  Yes the point was also to do the boots but it was to see how we interacted. How we connected. My environment was used against me. His boot pinning me against the wall and crushing the air from my lungs.  A boot still on my thigh meant I couldn’t move. Forcing me to endure what he did to me or to watch helplessly at what he was doing for himself that I could only beg and plead to help with and have it fall on deaf ears.

I was lost in his gaze and when fear hit me that I might not be able to climb out again instead of panic I found peace and just fell.  My body fighting pain, pleasure, denial and frustration all at once and relishing in the bliss of it all.  When it was all over (almost 2 hours)  I didn’t want it done. If I could have stayed on my knees licking his boots I would have. If I could have stayed on my knees wrapped around his leg holding on to him like a child grasps a blanket I would have. If I could have stayed in that embrace afterward held close to him I would have.

I was drunk off of him and all I really wanted was more, but it would have to wait.

I hate waiting….but we all knew this.

Now I will just focus on my rules for me. Be mindful of my actions and keep walking, because right now I couldn’t think of a better path to be on.